For HIS glory and our GOOD.

     Today I woke up with an extremely heavy and burdened heart. I know the Lord has placed specific people on my heart for a reason. I actually received a text this morning from one of the sweet friends that the Lord has made my heart heavy for. I was in the middle of praying for this friend when she texted me. I didn't notice she had texted me until after I was done, and I responded asking how she was to find out she is not doing well at all. Becoming worse in many ways, and I will be honest my heart was crushed. I now know why she was placed so heavily on my heart. All I could do was sit here and cry. Cry out to the Lord.

    There are so many people around me who are lost, hurting, sick, struggling, broken marriages, etc... Lately, I feel like the sufferings of others have been made more apparent to me, and this morning it hit me hard. All I could do was sit and cry out to my GOD. I don't understand why some suffer more than others, or why certain people suffer in certain ways. But what I do know is that our GOD is good. Its all for HIS glory and our good.

    It is okay to be burdened and pray/cry out to Jesus about these people, but I was gently reminded by HIM that it is not my job to "save" them. As I feel so heavily burdened I, myself, have to take rest in Jesus knowing that he has a plan and a purpose for each and everyone of these people.

Isaiah 43:11 I, I am the LORD, and besides me there is no savior.

     I have to rest in knowing that Jesus is the ONLY answer for these people. He is the only one who can bring these people comfort, peace, rest, strength, endurance, healing, restoration, etc... Christ is the only one who can save them. I will continue to cry out and fight for these people, and I pray this for those who are going through these trials...

     I pray that the ones who are lost, come to know Christ as their Savior. I pray the ones who have a personal relationship with Christ already RUN TO HIM and NOT from Him. I pray that all of those that I am praying for find peace, restoration, comfort, and strength in Him.

There is hope my sweet friends. Rest in the arms of our sweet Savior.

Romans 12:12
12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.


Hebrews 4: 16
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.


1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Romans 8:28
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who were called according to His purpose.

Matthew 6: 34

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 11:28-30

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Philippians 4: 4-7
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 13
I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me.

James 1: 2-4
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

1 Peter 5: 6-7
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Lamentations 3: 22-25
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him."

Proverbs 3: 5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding.

1 Chronicle 16:11
See the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!

adjusting to life with 2! :)

Being a mommy of a 2 year old and newborn keeps me quite busy so my blogs will probably not be as frequent. With that being said.....
I am so beyond blessed to have my two little boys!! They amaze me everyday and I am so thankful the Lord entrusted me to be their mommy!! Jude is so sweet, but knows what he wants! For example, he only likes to be held certain ways, hates the swing, will scream his head off if he does NOT like something!! He loves to be snuggled, which I LOVE! Here are some of Jude's newborn photos!! I am so smitten with this little boy, and its still so surreal after 9 months of a difficult pregnancy that He is here healthy and perfect! :)

As much as I love my boys I will be honest and say going from 1 to 2 children has been challenging! The transition was a made a little easier by having my amazing husband home for 2.5 weeks, meals from my church family, and having family here to help for a couple of weeks! One reason it has been challenging because I feel like the boys often need something important at the same time. Although, other aspects of being a mom of two are easier such as knowing different things to do to calm Jude when he is fighting sleep or upset. Having Jude in our family now has been an adjustment for everyone especially for our sweet Josiah. He has surprisingly done well though. At first, he was really jealous when daddy held Jude and would always say "daddy give baby Jude to mommy." That only lasted about a week, which I am so thankful for. Josiah, at first, was scared to touch Jude, but quickly warmed up. Now he is totally smitten with his baby brother and loves to hold, kiss, and even tries to play with him. He also has done well with being patient when he wants something and I am feeding, changing, or soothing Jude. I am so proud of my sweet Josiah!

Psalms 127: 3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, a fruit of the womb a reward. 

    

Postpartum: I will be so thankful when my hormones return to normal! I have not had too many emotional days like I did with Josiah, but I have still had a few weepy days and moodiness. I hate it! Anxiety has kicked in about sickness such as the flu or whooping cough especially as we are entering the season for these things because these things can be serious and/or fatal for Jude so I am having to CONTINUALLY put this anxiety into the hands of my good God. I have to constantly be in prayer about it or I will become a hermit like I did with Josiah. I know part of my anxiety comes from having Josiah hospitalized at 10 days old with a stomach bug, and it was horrible. I also don't like the postpartum phase because of ppd, which is always at the back of my mind since I suffered from postpartum depression with Josiah that started around 5-6 weeks after delivery and lasted a few months. This time I am trying to prevent it by walking daily, reading the Bible, and praying. 

I have enjoyed taking walks around my neighborhood and Josiah loves our walks! Jude falls asleep in the stroller, which is a plus because it gives Josiah and me lots of time to talk, and we have turned our walks into a little adventure!  

The Lord taught me so much through my pregnancy with Jude such as patience, humbleness, and reliance on Him. He is STILL teaching me these things. I have to be reminded that I am NOT super woman and somedays I will not be able to clean, dinner sometimes may not be as homemade as I WANT it to be, etc. I have to rely in HIS strength to make it through each day especially the challenging ones when boys are fighting sleep or Josiah is being defiant. God is such a good God and I am so thankful that He continues to teach me new things through each season of my life. 

I absolutely LOVE my family. The Lord truly has given me an amazing family and I am undeserving of them!! <3 Thank you Jesus! :)

Birthday August 9, 2012

Jude is HERE!!!!!! Jude Zephaniah was born August 9, 2012 at 4:54PM 6lbs 15oz 20.5 inches long!! He is healthy, perfect, and beautiful. 

                                                      


On Thursday (8/9) morning at about 6:30 AM I woke up to a weird sensation. Long behold my water had broke! Taylor and I were excited about this because we had been praying for my water to break so  we would know exactly when to go to the hospital since we had been there so many times for preterm and the bills are piling up! Also, because I had been contracting hard about 3 minutes apart for 2.5 weeks so we had no idea when to go in. Another glimpse of God's grace through this pregnancy! Thank you Jesus!

I actually didn't realize it had broke until I came out of the room to tell Taylor about my weird sensation and Taylor looked at me with big eyes, I happened to touch my pants, and my two year old says, "uh oh mommy pee peed!" So once we realized my water had broke some of our church family had arrived to care for Josiah as we headed to the hospital. 

My water had actually ruptured up high so I was not in much pain, and I was still dilated to a 3 50% effaced. I had chosen to have my epidural put in at this time because the hospital had a lot of c sections scheduled so they were not sure when I would be able to receive one. So after I had my epidural put in my doctor came in and told me my water had ruptured up high so she broke it completely since Jude's head was still protected by the amniotic sac. 

It took from 6:30AM to 3 PM to dilate from 3 to 5cm. About 20-25 min after the nurse had told me I was 5cm dilated I began to feel more pain, and so she decided to see if I had progressed and I told her no way its only been 20 minutes! Well, long behold I was now 8cm! lol It took about 20 more minutes for me to fully dilate and Jude to move to station +2. I was ready to push!!! 

WAIT!! I can't push yet my sweet friend and photographer had not arrived yet! I told her she had time to get there when I was 5cm, but guess my body decided otherwise!! ha! So when my doctor arrived I asked her if we could wait 15 minutes for my friend to arrive! She laughed and asked if I was serious, and then agreed! She found it rather humorous that I put off pushing for 15 minutes to wait for my photographer!! haha Well, needless to say it was WORTH it!!!!! April did an amazing job capturing one of life's greatest moments on camera as well as encouraging me through pushing.

I pushed for about 45 minutes, partly because little Jude decided to be in a side posterior position, which made it a little harder to get him out!! Once he was born, I was so overwhelmed with emotion when they placed him on my chest. I cried like a baby. I couldn't even crack a smile because I could not stop crying. I never experienced Josiah being placed on my chest so having Jude placed there was beautiful. I was so overwhelmed with joy being able to see and hold my HEALTHY FULL TERM baby boy for the first time. Knowing that this challenging pregnancy that was filled with so many unknowns and what-ifs was over. Knowing that God created this little boy in my womb, and showed us grace upon grace through the entire pregnancy, and here Jude was laying in front of me. He is perfect and beautiful!!! Delivery went smooth and I did NOT hemorrhage, which was another answer to prayer!!!! Thank you Lord!!  

 Photo copyrighted by April Harnish Photography 

Thank you all who have invested so much time in praying for our little miracle. It has been amazing seeing the Lord's hand at work through this ENTIRE pregnancy. This pregnancy was challenging, but I would never change it for the world. The Lord has taught me so much, and the end we were also blessed with one of the greatest gifts.. A beautiful little boy!! 

Contractions Contractions Contractions...

I am so beyond grateful to my Savior for allowing sweet baby Jude to be in the womb this long, and preterm labor no longer being a threat! What an answer to prayers!! I am not the least surprised because I know that I serve a BIG GOD!!!! :)

The last couple days I have been having consistent painful contractions about 2-3 minutes apart. I took two trips to the hospital. One on Monday and one on Tuesday. I was extremely upset on Monday because my doctor who told me that she wanted to get me to 36 weeks, and once there she would take me off of all medications and bedrest. She told me at 36 weeks she would not try and stop labor. When I went to hospital I was contracting hard and 2 min apart. So she tells the nurse to give me a shot of terbutaline to stop the contractions. I was quite confused and upset that she wanted to stop it after telling me she wouldn't. I refused the shot and so I was sent home, and the hospital had me sign a paper saying that if there are any risks to me or my baby, or I deliver at home it is my own fault because I chose not to be treated. Apparently, choosing to not receive the shot meant I was refusing treatment.

I refused the shot because terbutaline has negative effects on both me and Jude. Also, I am so exhausted from being in preterm labor for 5 months and I no longer want to fight my body especially because we are at a safe gestational age. I am almost 37 weeks - FULL TERM YAHOOOOOO!!!!! After coming home from hospital I only slept a short amount of time because the contractions kept me awake. So all day yesterday I contracted 2-3 minutes apart, and they progressively became more painful. I called the doctor on call, and she sent me back to the hospital.

This time the nurse decided to give me her unwanted opinion by telling me that I am in fake labor and they weren't real contractions since I had not dilated anymore since yesterday, and I should take the terbutaline to stop them and get rid of pain. I told her my husband and I have decided not to take any more medication so she proceeded to tell me, "well, I guess you will be in pain then." She told me other things like no one will induce me at 36, 37, or 38 weeks, which I DID NOT ask for so I don't know why she was telling me that. She continued to lecture me, but I am not surprised because it is the same nurse who made me feel stupid for coming in for preterm labor a few weeks back. I will say that I was a little confused because I didn't realize "fake contractions" were 2-3 minutes apart and extremely painful?? I did notice that I was effaced more yesterday, but not dilated anymore. I do know that with Josiah I dilated EXTREMELY SLOOOOOOOOOW. So I am hoping this is not the case. The doctors had to break my water dilated to 1 with Josiah because I just wasn't dilating after 20 hours of labor. Once my water broke I was ready to go within a few hours. Since I was induced and had epidural early with Josiah I did not experience much pain so this early labor is a whole new experience for both me and Taylor.

I will be honest. I am EXHAUSTED and the PAIN SUCKS!! I am miserable and tired, and still contracting 2-3 minutes apart so I am hoping I will dilate more in the next few days. Hopefully by August 1. By that time I will be full term! I just don't want to be in pain, miserable, and exhausted for weeks from these contractions. I don't sleep because the contractions keep me awake, especially because I have a lot of back labor. I do not do well with pain, and yet I am having a baby ahahahahhahaha!! I will say I am so thankful and blessed for everyday Jude remains in the womb!! The pain and exhaustion is worth it especially if it means a healthy little boy. The Lord knows Jude's birthday now only if HE would tell me what day that is hahahahahahahahha!!!

I know that delivering this baby is all on GOD's timing and not on mine. He is teaching me patience waiting for the arrival of this sweet boy. I am so ecstatic that I will be able to hold my sweet little baby boy soon!! :) 

Bittersweet weekend!! :)

This weekend is going to be so bittersweet!!


Tomorrow (Friday) is going to be the last day we will have women from our church serving us by caring for me and Josiah, and this weekend is my LAST weekend of bedrest! I have been so beyond blessed. I will miss having such godly women around everyday, but at the same time I am going to be so happy to be able to be back on my feet caring for Josiah and being able to do things that I have not been able to do for a while. Some of the things such as cleaning I have not been able to do since I was 7 weeks pregnant, and other things such as walking since 30 weeks.


I have been having a lot of contractions and pressure this week so I am hoping that it continues and when I am off of bedrest that Jude comes quickly. I really hope he is here by August 1st, but I know that my GOD has a birthday already set for my little guy and I will be content with whatever day that will be! I love being pregnant and feeling what God is knitting together move inside of me. Even though I do love being pregnant the complications I have endured this entire pregnancy has made this pregnancy really hard to enjoy, and to be honest I am just so tired that I am ready to hold this little boy in my arms and kiss his sweet face. I am tired physically and emotionally from the complications as well as from my body trying to go in to labor for so long. 


I am so beyond grateful that I have made it this far!! I will be 36 weeks on Monday. Seems like just yesterday I was 7 weeks and was not sure if I would miscarry or not. I know that all the credit and glory goes to my  big amazing GOD!!! <3 He truly did answer our prayers and the prayers of all who lifted my family up during this trial. 


This trial was definitely challenging for me and my family, but nonetheless rewarding! I can say rewarding because it tested our faith, truly brought us closer together, and more importantly drew us closer to the Lord. It taught me patience, reliance on HIM, and it humbled me. Satan tried to attack in many different ways, shapes, and forms, but our Savior delivered us from satan's schemes every time. This is one verse that I absolutely love because it reminds me of how amazing the Lord is, how satan is ready pounce and devour, and how our God is BIGGER and more POWERFUL than the devil and has delivered me!! 


1 Peter 5: 6-11
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of GOD so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 


As much as I can say never wanted to have a hard pregnancy, what I will say is it truly has been a blessing in disguise. I am extremely thankful for what the Lord has taught me during this time. Going through trials it is hard to remind yourself that God is with you and is good even in the midst of the storm, but it is so true. I saw God's goodness, grace, and mercy upon my family in numerous ways. For example, here I am almost 36 weeks and Jude is still in my womb growing!!! My church family stepped up and completely lifted our family up in prayer and served us above and beyond what we could have ever imagined, my husband was able to have the strength to endure having to work full time, care for Josiah full time when he's home, cook, clean, grocery shop, serve me, and the list goes on. 


I am excited that this bittersweet chapter of our lives is coming to an end soon. I am so excited to meet our sweet boy!!! Thank you again to all who have been praying!! :) Please pray for a smooth and safe delivery and that Jude is healthy!! 

                                                                    35 weeks!!!!

good news! :)

I went to my OB today and am so excited to report my cervix has remained unchanged. I was sure by the amount of spotting, mucus plug lost, and hard contractions I have been having that I definitely made cervical change. So I was quite surprised when the doctor said I had not progressed, but it was a good surprise! My only explanation is GOD!!! Thank you Lord for answering mine and Taylor's prayers. Not only our prayers, but the prayers of all those who have been fervently praying for our sweet baby boy!!

Matthew 18: 19-20 "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name there am I among them. "

All I can say is amen!! Thank you LORD! :)

I am also very excited to report that I am 34 weeks today! Woohoo!! Thank you Jesus!! Only 2 more weeks of bedrest and medication! :) I am almost there!

Please continue to pray for our family during this time. Pray for Taylor that the Lord would continue to sustain him and give him the strength he needs to continue to carry the burden of working, caring for Josiah when he is home without help from me, cooking, cleaning, etc. Pray for me as I have become extremely uncomfortable and exhausted. The medication wears off within 2 hours so I contract for 2-2.5 hours and the contractions are usually about 2-3 minutes apart. The contractions have gone from just being uncomfortable to causing the following: pain, nausea, hot flashes, achiness, and overall they make me feel miserable. I am uncomfortable especially because my body is trying to go into labor, but I am taking medication to slow the process. As uncomfortable as I am I know that this pain and misery will be all worth it in the end when I hold my sweet baby boy, Jude! I cannot wait to see what birthdate my good GOD has chosen for Jude! :)

God has been so faithful thus far and I know that He will remain faithful to the end and beyond! <3


                              

                            Photo Copyrighted by April Harnish Photography

On another note:

Please be praying for our sweet son Josiah. He has been extremely sick. He began having severe diarrhea last Thursday, followed by high fever of 104, vomiting, fatigue, fussiness, congestion, cough, lack of appetite, and an ear infection. Well, here we are 5 days later and he is still running a high fever, barely eating, and still has diarrhea (not as severe). His fever seems to be staying around 101-102, but I have been given him tylenol every 4 hours so I am not sure if it would actually go any higher than that. The doctor wanted to see him again today. Praise God his ear infection has cleared already since it was so mild and we caught it early, but the doctor is unclear if he has a viral or something more.

At this point she is thinking viral, but is slightly concerned he is running a high fever for so long. She ordered a chest xray today, which came back clear. His urine sample also came back clear. Thank you Jesus. Although, she did say that if he is still running this high of a fever by Wednesday than she may decide to have him admitted to hospital to do further testing to make sure he does not have any kind of infection, anything that is going undetected, or an infection that is antibiotic resistant. Please pray that it is just viral and that his fever and other symptoms will be gone right now! Pray that he wakes up healed in the morning. Also, pray that Taylor, me, and all those who have served my family recently who were around Josiah do NOT catch this illness.


                                 

                                 Photo Copyrighted by April Harnish Photography

Thanks again to all of you who are continuing to cover our family in prayer!! :)

Regardless of another night in hospital...

So I went to labor and delivery last night. This time, Praise Jesus, I was only there for 3 hours instead of 8! :) I was having contractions about 5 minutes apart, and while I was there they grew closer together. I took my Procardia at 11:30 PM while at the hospital, and they gave me 2 shots of terbutaline. The first shot of the terb. did not slow the contractions enough so they gave me a second dose. 


Thankfully, the contractions did not change my cervix so I remain at the same dilation and effacement! Thank you Jesus. I am super ecstatic about the non change to my cervix and the ability to slow the contractions, but I did find myself a bit frustrated with the nurse. I found myself a little frustrated because she said well, "yes, you are contracting a lot, but they may not be changing your cervix so you may just be one who contracts for 2-3 weeks consistent like this and does not change." She also told that I don't need to come to the hospital every time I am contracting unless they are painful and stronger. This may be true because I very could not progress, but this was frustrating to me because I contract 2-3 minutes apart, and my contractions are sometimes painful but not always.  I do know they do not always have to be painful to cause cervical change so now I have no idea if I should just ignore them or still continue to go to the hospital and have them stopped?   


My doctor is the one who tells me to come in, but it is a little frustrating when the nurse says oh you didn't really need to come in because it didn't make any change. Although, I do not expect much change if I am getting the contractions stopped quickly.  I guess I am just a little confused on when to go in to the hospital and when not to. I fear that if I ignore the contractions regardless of how close together they are with the thought of, "well they don't hurt so they are not doing anything" then I will find myself giving birth at home because I was making change and didn't know. 


Regardless of my slight frustration with some of the medical advice I have been receiving it would be great if Jude stayed in there a few more weeks. At least 2 weeks and 6 days!! I am counting the days because EVERY day counts!    


A sweet friend reminded me of this verse yesterday. 
Psalms 121:1-2 I lift my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth. 


My help does come from the Lord!! The Lord alone!! All glory be to Him!!  


I am so blessed and beyond thankful for the grace that my good God has shown us through this challenging pregnancy. It has been amazing and such an encouragement to see my family, church family, and friends cover my family in prayer. 

                            Photo Copyrighted by April Harnish Photography 


These verses reminds me so much of our trial through this pregnancy. 


Romans 5: 1-5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 


James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 

These remind me of our situation because I really do feel like my faith is being testing through this time, and I have been able to press through these muddy waters with the strength of the Lord. The Lord is building endurance in me and my hope in Christ has been increased during this trial. I have my moments of weakness, but I know through my weakness His power is made perfect (2 Cor 2:9-10) and my weakness reminds me that I am not sufficient. My sufficiency is through Him! 


I have seen His grace and mercy for my family so much it has truly been incredible. You know I would rather be going through this suffering with the strength, love, grace, mercy, etc of my Savior than to go through this suffering not knowing Him. If it were not for Christ I would completely have fallen apart by now, but He is my rock, my glue! 


So please continue to pray for God's perfect timing for the birth of sweet Jude. Please pray for strength and endurance for Taylor and myself as we battle through this trial. Thank you! 

                                                   Photo Copyrighted by April Harnish Photography 

Hard day today.

Today is an extremely hard day. I woke up this morning and noticed that I am losing my mucous plug. I know it can still be a couple weeks before I have this sweet boy, but when you factor in I am already dilating, effacing, and still contracting often it is scary. I have been cramping, having lower back pain, and contractions off and on. I will be honest as much as the Lord is in control and knows the perfect timing for Jude's arrival I am scared. I am really really scared. I am scared to have a preemie. I am praising Jesus that Jude is 33 weeks gestational age and not any earlier, but I so desperately want him to be at least 35 plus weeks.

I have been really emotional this morning feeling like I am going to burst into tears every 5 minutes. I have had lots of encouragement from family and friends this morning, which has been helpful. I went to the doctor and saw the midwife because my doctor was not in. She checked Jude's heartbeat, which was strong, and told me that being on bedrest and taking procardia every 4 hours is all they can do at this point. She told me if he comes than he will come,and there is not much they can do at this point. She told me she is glad that he is 33 weeks rather than 27 weeks. I know that there is not much more she could say or do, but I was so hoping for something more. I don't even know exactly what I wanted her to say, but I do know I left the doctor office feeling even more dismayed. :(

Through my fear I am meditating on a few scriptures and crying out to my God.

Isaiah 41:10 fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Deuteronomy 31:8 It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Psalms 112:7 He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

Psalms 56: 4 In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

I am really trying to lay my fear at the feet of Jesus knowing that He is so good, but today it is hard. I am really struggling. I am trying to rejoice in the fact that Jude is 33 weeks, he appears healthy on ultrasounds, and that he has had steroids to boost his lungs. Pushing through my fear today has been one of the most challenging things for me thus far in this pregnancy. Not to add that lately I have been feeling anxious about giving birth since my last delivery was not exactly a pleasant one. So my dear family and friends please be praying for me. Pray for my anxieties and fears to be lifted right now. Please pray that Jude stays in at least another couple weeks. I know that if he is born early the Lord will give us the strength, courage, grace, mercy, and peace to get through it. He has been so faithful thus far and I know it is not going to change.

Copyrighted by April Harnish Photography 

Update on my long night! :)

I sat in triage in Labor and Delivery being monitored last night from 10PM to 6:30AM this morning. Thank you for all the prayers! I am so blessed and thankful my cervix did not change anymore even with all the crazy contractions I was having last night. I am still 50% effaced and dilated to nearly 2. They gave me another dose of steroids to help mature baby Jude's lungs since the first dose I had at 26 weeks. They felt since it has been so long since first dose it would benefit Jude to have a second dose now. It took them a while to get my contractions to calm down enough that they felt safe to send me home.

At 11:30PM I took my dose of Procardia and my contractions calmed down for a short while, but came back and were consistent and strong. Around 1:30AM-2AM they gave me the first injection of Terbutaline. This helped the contractions mellow out for about an hour then they came back with a vengeance! As time grew closer to 3:30AM they had me take my next dose of Procardia and gave me another injection of Terbutaline. This helped the contractions calm so after a couple hours (6AM) of little contractions they checked my cervix again and PRAISE JESUS it had not progressed anymore!! They released me to go home at 6:30 AM. I was quite excited about this because I had been awake for 24 hours and well I was pretty much a Zombie! haha I tried to sleep but the contractions were too consistent some painful and some just too annoying to be able to sleep. Not to mention that the triage beds feel like you are laying on bricks! lol

Of course, once I got home and ate breakfast it was about time to take my next dose of Procardia, which I could tell because the contractions returned. I took it and slept for 3 hours in MY bed!! woohoo! I still need more sleep, but I don't feel like a total zombie anymore! haha. Oh and I managed to sneak in another hour nap! :) Tonight I will be going to bed really early!

Today I have noticed I have a lot of pelvic pressure and pain, and I am still contracting on and off as my Procardia starts to wear off. Sadly, contracting like this as it nears the time to take my next dose has been fairly normal for me with the pregnancy. I always wondered if contracting hard for 30-1hr a day multiple times a day was enough to make cervical changes. Well, now I can say YES because I am making those changes. :/ I have an appt with my OB this Thursday the 5th, but I may try and change it to Monday or Tuesday especially since the OB that was dealing with my labor in the hospital last night was the OB on call for the weekend not my OB.

I will admit it is hard to push through the frustration and fear of the preterm labor and see the joy. I have to remind myself where my true joy really is and comes from. I know that my joy is in the LORD, and that HE will continue to be faithful and give Taylor and me the strength to make it through this trial. I received just a glimpse of His goodness and faithfulness as He blessed me with a nurse who is a sister in Christ. He laid it on her heart to pray over me/with me. So she held my hands and cried out to our GOOD GOD for his peace and comfort, and for His protection over sweet Jude. I have never been in the care of a medical professional who has prayed with me, but it was so needed and such a blessing to hear her pour her heart out to our Savior for me and this baby who she doesn't even know. It was so bittersweet! I say bittersweet because the circumstances of why I was there were not pleasant, but her genuinely crying out to the Lord for my family was beautiful!! Such a beautiful display of the cross! :)

I am so close to the end, but yet it feels so far away. I will be 33 weeks on Monday!! THANK YOU JESUS!!! I am so excited to be this far, and not any earlier in my pregnancy. My OB really wants this little boy to hang in there for 3 more weeks, and I would love that as well. Only God knows when he will be born. I do know that baby Jude will come on God's perfect timing, and He will grant us the grace to get through it whether he is born early or at term. I know that God is good and I have to continue to lay all my fears, struggles, anxieties, and doubt at the feet of Jesus. Even as scary as last night was I was in peace because I was resting in the comfort of my Lord, and knowing He is sovereign, good, and knows what we are experiencing better than anyone else. So I am resting in Him and the shadow of His wings.

Psalms 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burned is light."

I was reminded of this verse last night by one of my sweet friends. Thank you.

Psalms 55:22 Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Even in the midst of this storm I have never felt so blessed. Blessed my an amazing husband who is caring the burden of so much, and still manages to love me well. I am so utterly encouraged by him and so beyond in love with this man. I could not imagine a more amazing husband to be going through this with. He has taken on so much and yet the Lord has sustained him, and he is managing it well all by the grace of GOD. He is still working so hard at work, which has been challenging because it is a busy and stressful time for him at work right now with so many projects and deadlines. He comes home cares for Josiah, prepares meals, cares for me, cleans, prays with me and leads me, leads a city group, serves at church, and the list goes on. I have been so encouraged by watching him grow in his relationship with Christ even if he does not see it!! ;) I love you Taylor more than words could ever express. I so beyond appreciate ALL you do and are doing. Thank you.




One last thing before I wrap this blog up :) I have so many people covering Jude and my family in prayer that it has been amazing to see God work. I feel those prayers. I am so blessed and beyond grateful for all of you who have prayed for my family. Know that this means more to our family than you will ever know!! :)

Late night in hospital :(

Tonight is a tough night. I started spotting today and decided to go to hospital. I am dilated to a one almost a two and 50% effaced. The contractions have been strong and consistent. My dear prayer warrior family and friends please be praying that Jude stay put at least another 3 weeks.

I know God is good and in control so im trusting in Him and seeking peace, comfort, and shelter in Him. He is so good. :)

Isaiah 40:28-31 28 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Rough and frustrating day, but reminded of God's grace

*sigh* Where do I begin? Today was extremely challenging to say the least. The last couple days I have noticed that my contractions have returned. :( Talk about disappointing. Right now I take the procardia every 4 hrs and it takes roughly 30 minutes to kick in. Over the weekend I noticed that right at 4 hours I have begun to contract and they become more consistent as I wait for the medicine to start working. Once the Procardia begins working the contractions disappear for a while, but then return at the 4 hour mark. I have tried to not allow the return of the contractions bother me until today. 


Yesterday and today I have noticed that when I do have contractions they have become very painful. They actually take my breath away, and if I am walking to the bathroom and have one I have to stop walking and breathe. These contractions have bothered me more because all the consistent ones I had in the past were uncomfortable, but not painful. Today I also experienced a lot of cramping and lower back pain and noticed that this began about 3.5 hours into my Procardia. With that being said, I have started to become discouraged. Trying to understand what the Lord is trying to teach me through this. Frustrated at the fact that the Procardia only seems to be effective for a week or two before the dosage has to be increased. I just don't understand why the Preterm Labor keeps haunting me. Satan is crouching at the back door ready to pounce on my weakness knowing my discouragement and frustration, but I REFUSE to allow satan to take me captive. I have been set free in Christ.  


1 Peter 5: 8-11 Be Sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.  


All I can say is God is SO SO GOOD!!! Even in the midst of my frustration and doubt He has redeemed me! Given me so much grace and love! He has given me the strength to endure this complicated pregnancy and will continue to give me the strength. 


Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.




I felt so weak and broken, and the Lord reminded me today that His yoke is easy and burden is light (Matthew 11: 28-30) and Christ is ALL I have and He is my life. Regardless, of what happens HE is good. HE is GOD. HE will continue to love me, forgive me, show me grace and mercy. Ultimately, He is in control and knows the perfect time for Jude to make his arrival into this world.  I love that I serve this BIG ALMIGHY GOD. We had city group tonight, and some of my amazing church family came to our house to do a praise and prayer session since I have not been able to attend church.  The praise music we sang was PERFECT and the prayer session was PERFECT. The Lord reminded me just how GOOD HE truly is. 1 Timothy 1:17 says to the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. 1 Timothy 6:16 He who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To HIM be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.  These scriptures reminded me how perfect and big my GOD is. 


I know that God is faithful always. I know that HE is and will be faithful during this trial. I will be honest though this trial SUCKS, although I do not know many trials that don't suck! lol The prayers of the men and women I was sitting in my living room with were so encouraging, and the LORD knew exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of. The songs that were sang were also needed because I needed to be reminded of how much GOD loves me. His love for me is so incomprehensible. The closest I can even begin to understand is by thinking about how much I love Josiah and Jude and how I want only the best for them, and GOD loves me SO MUCH MORE than that and wants what is BEST for me (what I think is best comes NO where near to what is God's best). Needless, to say I balled my eyes out. Tears of brokenness and surrender knowing that the ONLY ONE who truly understands and the ONLY ONE who can bring me peace, comfort, and mercy is my God. After all, He is the God of all comfort. 


2 Corinthians 1: 3-5
Blessed be the God and Father of our Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction. With the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.


I am so grateful that the Lord has kept Jude in my womb thus far. I turned 32 weeks this past Monday, which is a huge milestone! I will be honest though, I know that survival rate at this point is high but I really do not want to have to watch my sweet baby boy sit in the NICU. I know that if this were to happen the Lord would grant me the grace, mercy, and strength to endure it, but I really am hoping to make it to the 36 week mark. Please continue to be in prayer for this sweet baby boy!


Psalms 139:13-14 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

found this encouraging!

Just a short blog today! A few days ago a friend sent me a link to this blog: http://theresurgence.com/2012/06/07/the-nightmareand-the-giftof-being-weak-and-needy

My husband and I found it both extremely encouraging since we are in the midst of the same situation! enjoy! :)

Oh so thankful

I am a little over a week into full bedrest, and some days have been challenging as others have been pleasant! I am so truly blessed that my Redemption Hill Church family have such serving and loving hearts. They stepped up to help without us having to ask for help. Right now, Taylor leaves for work at 7 am and I have someone that comes to help with Josiah and help me with whatever I need from 7am-12pm, and then another person comes to help in the afternoon from 12pm-5pm. (Taylor gets home from work at 5pm) Somedays I have the same person here all day. It has been nothing less than amazing and a blessing to see the hearts of the women in my church who are so willing to serve my family any way necessary during this time.

Although, having people here doing everything for me comes with its challenges! Some days Josiah has tested the person who is here caring for him. He has given some of the people a hard time when trying to take him to the bathroom, and he has been waking up extra early (4am) I think because having different people here all the time is so different for him. Even with these small difficulties he has done better than I expected adjusting to different people caring for his needs! He is eating up all the attention he is receiving! :) I am so thankful for the grace that the Lord has shown us in this area, especially because I had so much anxiety about it.  I had much anxiety about it especially in the first few days and I was reminded of these verses: 

Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

1 Peter 5: 6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Each day of bed rest is becoming easier because the Lord is humbling me more and more so I am having to allow people to cook and prepare my meals for me, which was one of the biggest struggles for me as well as care for Josiah's needs. My default was to just have everyone make me a bowl of cereal because I didn't want to burden them with having them heat and/or cook anything for me. Although as each day passes I am being more humbled, therefore becoming more able to ask people to heat my meals or make me a sandwich,etc. All the women who have served thus far have done an AMAZING job with Josiah and have joyfully prepared my meals and brought me anything I needed. It is such a beautiful display of Jesus and His love as He was and is The Servant King.

As far as preterm labor symptoms have been going... I was doing well for about a week and then on Wednesday night I had a hard time sleeping because my back and body hurt so much from laying/sitting all day so I did not fall asleep until midnight. For those who know me know 12am is LATE because I am usually in bed by 8pm. I didn't think to set my alarm because I normally wake up around 3:30AM to take my meds since my body has become used to waking up at that time.  Sadly, since I didn't go to bed until midnight I never woke up, and so I didn't take my pill. As a result I woke up Thursday morning around 6:30 AM feeling horrible and had consistent contractions. I also did not feel well stomach wise and didn't eat much all day, but I don't know if that was due to a lack of sleep or something else. Now I know I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT miss a dose of my procardia, especially since I woke up with contractions even though I had been sleeping all night and was not active.

I am so excited to meet sweet Jude! Only 4 more weeks and 2 days until the Doctor will allow him to make his appearance!!! God truly is so good! <3

Here is a photo that my wonderful friend and sister in Christ took during our maternity photo shoot that we had with her. I absolutely love this photo. Thank you April Harnish!!

Strength to endure a complicated pregnancy

This pregnancy has been so incredibly challenging and sure has stretched my faith! I have had to constantly stay in God's word to keep from crumbling. I have also had many brothers and sisters in Christ covering baby Jude, me, and Taylor in prayer! Here are the verses that I have constantly meditated on the past 7 months!!! Beware there are A LOT of verses!!!

Matthew 6: 34 

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 11:28-30 

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Romans 5:1-5 

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 12:12 

12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Hebrews 4: 16 

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Philippians 4: 4-7 

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4: 13 

I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me.

James 1: 2-4 

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

1 Peter 5: 6-7 

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Lamentations 3: 22-25 

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him."

Proverbs 3: 5 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding.

1 Chronicle 16:11 

See the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!

Sweet baby Jude

      After our birth experience with Josiah, Taylor and I were nervous about having anymore children. We prayed a ton about it and went back and forth with yes we want another and no. We were especially struggling with the decision because since the hemorrhage during delivery with Josiah I had been suffering from severe iron deficiency anemia, and in July 2011 found out that I have a mild bleeding disorder where my blood doesn't clot. By the end of 2011 we decided we wanted to trust in the Lord and give Josiah a sibling. We prayed about having another baby a lot before trying. We began trying in early November and found out in early December we were expecting another blessing!! Our sweet baby is due to arrive Aug 20, 2012! We were and still are ecstatic!

As much as we are rejoicing in another blessing and gift from the Lord this pregnancy has been nothing short of challenging and complicated. This pregnancy has pushed our faith to the limits, and caused us to cling so tightly to the Lord. 

At 7 weeks pregnant I went to the ER with abdominal pain and consistent contractions 4-5 minutes apart. The baby looked healthy, but I had once again a subchorionic hemorrhage. I followed up with my Doctor within the next few days and was placed on partial bedrest which included the following: no exercise, no heavy cleaning, pelvic rest, no lifting over 15lbs, and stay off feet whenever possible. With this type of hemorrhage in early pregnancy you are at high risk of miscarriage. Taylor and I immediately had to give this situation to our GREAT PHYSICIAN, Healer, Father, and Savior. We prayed and put our sweet baby's life into the hands of our God, and knew that whatever the outcome was for our baby that it was and is for our good and His glory.

The doctors kept a close eye on the hemorrhage and our sweet baby. In most women the hemorrhage goes away on its own, but sadly mine did/has not. As you become further in pregnancy the risk changes from miscarriage to preterm labor and/or placenta abruption. The partial bedrest was also continued. This was extremely challenging with a 17 month old who had a ton of energy, and at the time we were living in a two story house.

Praise Jesus Josiah transitioned into a big boy bed easily from his crib in Jan/Feb 2012 so I no longer had to pick him up and take him out of the crib. In March of 2012 we were able to buy a home, A ONE STORY!!!!! On March 19th we learned that we were being blessed with another baby BOY!!! Sweet baby Jude!! We again were/are extremely ecstatic!!

At 16 weeks I began having preterm labor. :( I was placed on a medication called terbutaline, but it did not work so I was switched to Procardia. I had to take it twice a day, and it had terrible side effects. So eventually my doctor told me I could lower my dose to once a day and see how I do. All was well for a few week, but at 25 weeks contractions began to be intense and consistent. I saw my doctor at 26 weeks and she increased my procardia to 20mg every 6 hours, I had to receive a steroid injection to help mature Baby Jude's lungs, and also found out that I started to have cervical change. 

The next week was absolutely HORRIBLE because I started having bad side effects from the procardia. My eyes, hands, and feet began swelling every time I took it, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, drowsiness, joint pain, headache, dizziness, and near fainting. How could I care for my son when I felt like I was going to die every time I took my medicine? I saw my doctor the following Wednesday and she lowered my medication to 10 mg every 6 hours. I still had side effects but they were much more manageable.

All was well for a couple weeks, but at 29 weeks I began having frequent contractions 2-3 min apart. My medication was increased to every 4 hours and I have been placed on strict bedrest. Strict bedrest means I am only allowed to get up to use the bathroom and I am able to shower. Having a 2 year old and being on bedrest is a challenge! Taylor and I have been blessed by an AMAZING church family who has stepped up to serve us and take shifts caring for Josiah and helping with meals, etc. So here we are at 31 weeks with 5 weeks left to go before our baby boy is okay to make his entrance into the world. I say 5 weeks because my doctor wants to try and keep baby Jude in my womb until 36 weeks.

Through this journey I have had to be humbled greatly by my Savior to allow others to serve me. This is challenging for me because I would rather serve than be served so when you have to have someone care for your child, clean, cook, get your water, etc for you any pride you have has to be crushed. This is my 4th day into strict bedrest and even to have my husband serve me hand and foot has been hard. Yet I know by God's grace I will make it through these next challenging 5 weeks, one day at a time!!

Yesterday was an extremely tough day as I felt helpless and like a burden. I struggle with the fact that I am the homemaker and heart of the home yet I am unable to serve my husband and care for my child. It is hard not to feel like a failure as a mom and wife. I felt so completely defeated and weak. So much so that the last few days I have struggled to pray to my good and merciful father in heaven, who loves me more than I can ever comprehend. I had to push through the lack of desire and cry out to my GOD. Cry out to HIM in my weakness and pain. The verse that the Lord reminded me of yesterday was this...

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then,I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Through my roller coaster of emotions and moments of weakness my husband has been so gracious to me and has loved and served me well these past 7 months and especially the last 4 days. I would not want to be on this journey with anyone else. As I know this is just for a short season and its for my good and God's glory. Even in the midst of this storm GOD IS GOOD and here every step of the way and I truly am SO BLESSED!!!!


Thank you Taylor for truly being an amazing man of God and loving me like Christ loves the church!! :)

Sweet baby Jude you are already so loved by so many and have been covered in prayer since the beginning! We are all eager to meet you when the time is right!! xoxo Thank you to ALL of you that have been praying for Jude and my family through this trial!! :)

Pregnancy and birth of Josiah

The pregnancy was a little complicated at the beginning because I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, which is where your placenta does not correctly attach and hemorrhages into the uterus. In early pregnancy the SH puts you at high risk for miscarriage. At 10 weeks I began bleeding heavy, went to the ER, Taylor and I sat and cried and prayed over our sweet baby that was already such a blessing as we thought we were miscarrying. Praise Jesus our baby was healthy, and the blood was from the hemorrhage and it was GONE!! woohoo!! We were excited by this news! I was no longer on restriction. Most of the remaining pregnancy went well!! We found out in Decemeber 2009 we were expecting a sweet healthy baby boy!! We were so overjoyed! 

At 30 weeks we had our 3rd trimester ultrasound and were told Josiah was a week behind in growth and amniotic fluid was low. At 33 weeks Josiah was 3 weeks behind in growth and measuring in the less than 10th percentile and my amniotic fluid was still low. I was placed on strict bedrest until I was induced at 38 weeks. For the duration of my pregnancy I received many ultrasounds of our little guy, which was amazing to see him grow and be able to see first hand God knitting him together.


Psalms 139:13-14 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.


I was induced on Monday morning at 11 AM on April 19, 2010 and Josiah made his arrival at 1:55 PM on April 20, 2010. He was beautiful and perfect weighing in at 6lbs 3oz and he measured 19 in long!! Sadly, my delivery was challenging and I hemorrhaged. I began delivery with 1300cc of blood and lost over 800 cc of blood. Most women lose about 200 during vaginal delivery and 500 during c-section. Sadly, the doctor and nurses were not prepared for my hemorrhage and were scrambling to find medications to make it stop and began pumping me full of IV fluid because they were not prepared with blood. There was much pain involved during the process of them trying to stop the hemorrhage and I was in and out of consciousnesses. After receiving 3 out of the 4 medications they can give you to stop bleeding the doctor was able to get my hemorrhage under control.

I was unable to hold my son until 2-3 hours after he was born, but once I saw his sweet face for the first time I was completely in love with this sweet blessing from the Lord!
Psalms 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.

I am so beyond thankful and blessed to be able to be here to raise our sweet boy!! Thank you Jesus! <3

Josiah, our sweet son!

Through the years growing up I had many health problems. I was told by doctors they were unsure if I was able to become pregnant. Shortly after being married Taylor and I had tried for nearly a year to conceive and nothing. We decided to wait.

In 2009 we began praying together and crying out to God for a child. We cried out to him about our possible infertility and about our hearts desires for a child. We confessed to our God that we know He is the giver of life and whether we were to be parents by having a child naturally or through adoption we would accept either and love Him no matter what. We prayed for direction.
We began to look into adoption as we continued to pray about having children. End of July 2009 we decided we were putting our conception into the hands of our Big God and started trying. August 28, 2009 we found out were were 5 weeks pregnant!!! We cried tears of joy, thanked our amazing Lord, and shared the news with family! We knew that the Lord had heard our cry!! After all, HE is the ultimate physician and giver of life!!!

My blessings

6 years ago on May 19, 2006 I married an amazing man! We were neighbors growing up and high school sweethearts! My journey with my husband Taylor has been challenging and amazing at the same time. Without the beautiful display of the cross in the center of our marriage we would be nothing. Christ is our center, our rock, our glue.We have been through many ups and downs, but nonetheless I love him more than words could ever express. This past year has been one of the best years! The Lord decided to move us from Arizona to Indiana. A place we never thought we would live! lol We left everything we knew and our families behind in Arizona and began this new journey in Indiana. We had no one except Christ and each other. The Lord brought an amazing church family into our lives. Redemption Hill has been beyond a huge blessing and I am so thankful for them. They helped make the transition from AZ to IN much easier. Needless to say, this past year has broken idols in our hearts, made our marriage stronger, and our personal walks with Christ stronger. Although, we are not perfect and have fallen numerous times but Praise God for His forgiveness, mercy, and love!




Mark 10:7-9 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh.What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."