I will be honest there have been good and bad days emotionally for me. There are days when I sob as I realize my "normal" is different. It will likely be different for the rest of my life here on earth. Some days I just cry. Other days I am frustrated. Other days I am at peace. I am at peace until I neglect spending time with the Lord, or try to take control of these areas in my life I honestly have no control over.
This trial in our life has been so painful and hard, but forced me to get into God's word more, pray more, and rely on HIM more. Also, it has helped me to be humble and ask for help from others when I need it (which is so hard for me). Life is just so different. I never imagined this for myself. For our family. It is hard. I think right now the hardest for me is not being able to drive. The second is not being able to take the kids swimming. They are understanding and do not complain, but I hate that I can't take them without another adult with me. The fact they don't complain about it is a small glimpse of God's grace working in our lives. Another area that is hard for me is not being able to walk/exercise outside like I used to. I loved it.
I am now cooking on days I feel well. If I am having a rough seizure day, I pull out a freezer meal that we were given, use the crockpot, order pizza, etc. Whatever is easy. I have learned to improvise on those days and stay away from using the stove. I still don't really go alone in public. Since we are still fairly new to being mostly controlled we want to wait a couple more months before I go anywhere alone. I either have Taylor or a friend with me in public. For example, when we grocery shop Taylor takes the kids and walks around the store looking at toys, electronics etc while I do the food shopping. This way he is still close enough that I can text him for help if I start feeling an aura for my seizures. Sometimes we just do store pick up, but I like shopping. I cannot express enough how amazing my husband is. Taylor has loved and served me so well, and never once has made me feel bad about needing his help. I love him so incredibly much. This season has also grown some of my friendships, which I am so thankful for. Those of you who have been here for me, I want you to know how beyond thankful I am for you. You ladies are true gems, and I am so blessed to have you in my life! I love you ladies!
As my seizures have become less frequent we have been able to make a more sound decision about our children's education. There are a few things that helped us decide. Our plan to send the kids to private school fell through. At first we were hurt and angry. It brought us back to the drawing board. As time has gone on and my seizures are way less and "more controlled" we have had many discussions, revisited why we home school, prayed, and researched different curriculum that were a wiser choice for this season of our life. After much consideration and prayer we have decided to CONTINUE our homeschooling journey, which I am so excited about! Homeschooling is hard, but I truly love it. When we told our children we were still going to home school them they were so excited and relieved. If things become bad again with my seizures where I am not functional again we will re-evaluate this decision.
Thank you to all who have prayed, served, and reached out to us in this season. We are forever grateful. Please continue to pray for us as we navigate through this season.
