Rough and frustrating day, but reminded of God's grace

*sigh* Where do I begin? Today was extremely challenging to say the least. The last couple days I have noticed that my contractions have returned. :( Talk about disappointing. Right now I take the procardia every 4 hrs and it takes roughly 30 minutes to kick in. Over the weekend I noticed that right at 4 hours I have begun to contract and they become more consistent as I wait for the medicine to start working. Once the Procardia begins working the contractions disappear for a while, but then return at the 4 hour mark. I have tried to not allow the return of the contractions bother me until today. 


Yesterday and today I have noticed that when I do have contractions they have become very painful. They actually take my breath away, and if I am walking to the bathroom and have one I have to stop walking and breathe. These contractions have bothered me more because all the consistent ones I had in the past were uncomfortable, but not painful. Today I also experienced a lot of cramping and lower back pain and noticed that this began about 3.5 hours into my Procardia. With that being said, I have started to become discouraged. Trying to understand what the Lord is trying to teach me through this. Frustrated at the fact that the Procardia only seems to be effective for a week or two before the dosage has to be increased. I just don't understand why the Preterm Labor keeps haunting me. Satan is crouching at the back door ready to pounce on my weakness knowing my discouragement and frustration, but I REFUSE to allow satan to take me captive. I have been set free in Christ.  


1 Peter 5: 8-11 Be Sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To Him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.  


All I can say is God is SO SO GOOD!!! Even in the midst of my frustration and doubt He has redeemed me! Given me so much grace and love! He has given me the strength to endure this complicated pregnancy and will continue to give me the strength. 


Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.




I felt so weak and broken, and the Lord reminded me today that His yoke is easy and burden is light (Matthew 11: 28-30) and Christ is ALL I have and He is my life. Regardless, of what happens HE is good. HE is GOD. HE will continue to love me, forgive me, show me grace and mercy. Ultimately, He is in control and knows the perfect time for Jude to make his arrival into this world.  I love that I serve this BIG ALMIGHY GOD. We had city group tonight, and some of my amazing church family came to our house to do a praise and prayer session since I have not been able to attend church.  The praise music we sang was PERFECT and the prayer session was PERFECT. The Lord reminded me just how GOOD HE truly is. 1 Timothy 1:17 says to the King of ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. 1 Timothy 6:16 He who alone has immortality, who dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has ever seen or can see. To HIM be honor and eternal dominion. Amen.  These scriptures reminded me how perfect and big my GOD is. 


I know that God is faithful always. I know that HE is and will be faithful during this trial. I will be honest though this trial SUCKS, although I do not know many trials that don't suck! lol The prayers of the men and women I was sitting in my living room with were so encouraging, and the LORD knew exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of. The songs that were sang were also needed because I needed to be reminded of how much GOD loves me. His love for me is so incomprehensible. The closest I can even begin to understand is by thinking about how much I love Josiah and Jude and how I want only the best for them, and GOD loves me SO MUCH MORE than that and wants what is BEST for me (what I think is best comes NO where near to what is God's best). Needless, to say I balled my eyes out. Tears of brokenness and surrender knowing that the ONLY ONE who truly understands and the ONLY ONE who can bring me peace, comfort, and mercy is my God. After all, He is the God of all comfort. 


2 Corinthians 1: 3-5
Blessed be the God and Father of our Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction. With the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.


I am so grateful that the Lord has kept Jude in my womb thus far. I turned 32 weeks this past Monday, which is a huge milestone! I will be honest though, I know that survival rate at this point is high but I really do not want to have to watch my sweet baby boy sit in the NICU. I know that if this were to happen the Lord would grant me the grace, mercy, and strength to endure it, but I really am hoping to make it to the 36 week mark. Please continue to be in prayer for this sweet baby boy!


Psalms 139:13-14 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.