The truth about photos

      I don’t post much on social media anymore. I struggle being on social media. It is so easy to hide behind a façade and to get caught up in what is not reality. Social media and photos can easily hide the truth. What you don’t see in most photos is the pain, grief, suffering, trials, etc. people face.

     We recently had family photos done. As I was looking at these photos I noticed something. I noticed how we all look so “happy” and when people look at these photos that is what they will see too. What you don’t see is how hard this day was. How hard it was to get through these photos for our family. What you don’t see is the trials we are going through. What you don’t see are the diagnoses. You don’t see that our oldest had multiple seizures this day, and struggled with the flash in the studio. You can’t see that I was having seizures every 2 hours, which means I had a seizure while we on our way to photos and had one on the way home. You don’t see that I had to get ready in between seizures and post-itical phase, which was quite the task.

Photo Credit: Courtney Venable Photography

     What I have found is that “happiness” is momentary. The littlest thing can leave you mad or upset, and your happiness is gone. Life is not about being “happy.” Life is about bringing glory to God. EVEN IN MY SUFFERING. I have learned that even though my happiness can be gone in an instant that it’s my joy that cannot be taken from me. My joy in the Lord is not defined by my life circumstances. My happiness may be, but not my joy. On the hard days I am not happy. I cry. I weep. I beg God for relief and for this to not be our lot. Our struggles are hard. They are daily and seem to be never ending. As I have begged God to take these health trials away from our family, as of now, he has said “No” I don’t know why, but what I do know is that I want Him to be most glorified through it. I want him to be most glorified even in my ugly moments. My sinful moment. My imperfections. My struggles. My doubt. I want Christ to be enough for me, my husband, and my children. My husband reminded me of this scripture a couple of months ago, and I want this to be so true for our family.

⁷ So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,^[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 cor 12:7-10

Our health trials are “our thorn in our flesh.”

God has been teaching me so much through our sufferings. He is teaching me to cling to Him. To run to Him. Trust Him. Cry out to Him. Patience.  He is not also teaching me but he is also showing me my sin and where I fall short. He is doing surgery to my heart. It is a SLOW AND PAINFUL process. I don’t like it at all, but I know the end result will be beautiful. I also know that these trials are momentary although they feel like forever. 

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Patience is one thing I lack. Waiting on the Lord's timing. Waiting on doctors, tests, results, and the list goes on..... Even though things never happen on my timing. The Lord's timing is always perfect. One night as I sat weeping in my bed, pleading with God, I felt so lonely and scared I was led to this scripture:

I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.
⁶ This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who fear him, and delivers them.

⁸ Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!

Psalms 35

No, He did promise me health. He promised me he would deliver me from my fears and he has. He encamps around me. I am blessed and have refuge in him. He is good. I don’t doubt his goodness. I do on the other hand doubt how this could possibly be for MY good. I have to pray often. Repent of my wanting to be in control, and not trusting him with my children and my life. He is working in me to not worry about tomorrow. With my children and their health trials, and my own health trials I have learned its completely out of my control. I have NO IDEA what tomorrow brings. I will drive myself crazy (and have before and still do sometimes) worrying about all the “what ifs” and then I am brought to this scripture time and time again.

³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:34

Oh goodness, it is so easy to become anxious. To worry about the unknowns. I HATE THE UNKNOWNS. There are unknowns for me but there are NO unknowns to God. He truly has been the only unchanging thing in our life. His sovereignty, goodness, faithfulness, and love truly brings me so much comfort. As I fear so many things, even losing my children, I am reminded of God’s sacrifice for me. His only son died and took my punishment on the cross. His undying love for me is immeasurable and I have no words to express how grateful I am for my Savior. The ugliness in me through these trials has reminded me how much I am in need of a Savior, and I am so thankful that I have one who has given me his righteousness.

Please pray for our family in this season.  

P.S. I will write another blog soon about my seizures. ;)